Recognizing Grief in All It's Forms
When I was in graduate school, just beginning my internship, I remember sitting with a woman who had come to counseling for something that didn’t initially seem related to grief at all. Although, it didn’t take long for us to realize that much of the pain she was carrying was rooted in a kind of grief she didn’t even recognize. That’s often how grief works, it shows up in ways that we wouldn’t always associate with loss.
Most of us can easily recognize grief when someone loses a loved one or a close friend. We bring meals, send flowers, and write notes to let them know we care. But what about the other kinds of grief, the ones that are quieter, less visible, and often carried alone? What do these kinds of grief look like, and how can we begin to recognize them in our own lives and in the lives of the people around us?
Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is the awareness that pain is coming, even though the loss has not fully happened yet. Maybe your youngest child is in high school preparing to graduate, and the home and sense of purpose is about to change. Maybe one of your parents has received a serious diagnosis and the prognosis isn’t great. Or maybe you are preparing for a move that is out of your control, and even simple things like no longer knowing your way to the grocery store without GPS feel sad and scary.
These are all examples of anticipatory grief. The loss hasn’t fully arrived, but you may already find yourself crying more often, feeling anxious, or preoccupied with what is coming. It can feel especially lonely because others may not yet see the loss the same way you do, making it difficult for them to fully understand your experience. Living in that sense of dread, sadness, or even guilt can be overwhelming, especially when the future feels uncertain.
Hidden Grief
Hidden grief is the kind of grief that others may not even know is happening. It might be a couple navigating infertility or early pregnancy loss, a financial setback, or a relational rupture that feels too personal to share. These experiences can deeply affect mood, energy, and daily functioning, even when they remain invisible to those around you.
It can be difficult to explain these kinds of losses to people who haven’t experienced them or who are not close enough to see what you’re carrying. This can feel isolating or even lead to frustration with yourself—wondering why you don’t feel like your usual self or why your mind and body can’t simply “move on.” Although the grief may be invisible to others, the pain is very real, even when it is carried quietly and alone.
Compound Grief
Compound or layered grief occurs when multiple losses build on top of one another over time, or even happen at the same time. Sometimes, as you reflect on your story, you may suddenly grieve a childhood you never had, seeing your past through a different lens. Other times, a relatively small loss may feel unexpectedly overwhelming, possibly because it is connected to earlier grief that was never fully processed.
It can also feel like one loss after another, with little time to recover in between. You may feel like you are still processing one experience when another arrives. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion or even numbness, as the mind and body struggle to keep up with the weight of what has been experienced.
These are only a few types of grief. There is also secondary loss, delayed grief, chronic grief, communal grief and more. Grief has a way of showing up in many forms, often in ways we don’t immediately recognize or expect.
When grief comes, and it will, be kind to yourself. It can be hard to slow down and allow yourself to feel the pain that comes with grief. At times, staying busy or avoiding emotions may feel easier, but unprocessed grief often remains with us until it is processed and grieved.
Ways to Support Yourself in Grief
Talk to a friend or family member you trust and feel safe with
Set aside time in your day to slow down and process what you’re feeling
Do something that feels meaningful or honoring to the loss or memory you’re carrying
Journal about your memories, thoughts, or emotions
Consider meeting with a counselor at Novo Life—we would be honored to support you through these hard and meaningful moments
Even in pain, there is still hope. Loss of any kind is difficult. A dream or desire unfulfilled is still a form of loss. Grief takes time to process, and while you may carry pieces of it with you, that does not mean you have to remain stuck in it. One of the first steps toward healing is learning to recognize and name what you are feeling.
We are here for you, and we would be honored to walk with you through it.
Written by: Courtney Edmondson, LMHCA