Breaking the Habit of Selfishness in Marriage
Selfishness is subtle, slipping into your life without your awareness of it–not because you’re bad or unloving, but because it’s natural to base our everyday decisions on our own needs, goals, and desires. This tendency also affects our marriage, but the most important relationship in our lives calls us to something deeper: sacrificial love. In a marriage relationship, it requires sacrifice to put the other person first, but the reward will be great.
Marriage rooted in selfishness has a shaky foundation, but one built on selflessness has a foundation of deep love, trust, and commitment.
Here are four ways to break the habit of selfishness in your marriage:
1. Stop & recognize it.
At the start of every argument, every frustration, or every discouragement, ask yourself: “Is selfishness the root of this conflict?” You might notice that more often than not, arguments arise because you are trying to do things your own way, living by your own timeline, reacting based on your emotional state, etc. When you stop and recognize where selfishness is manifesting in your marriage, you can put an end to it before it takes control.
2. Remember that marriages are 100/100, not 50/50.
In a marriage relationship, if both parties are only putting 50%, then together they reach 100%. This might be a problem because when one spouse is not able to give 50% in certain moments, the entire marriage is affected. When you give your all–your 100%--the marriage will abound and overflow, far exceeding 100%. This is difficult and requires self-sacrifice, but strengthening your marriage will be worth it. When one person lacks, the other takes over, but most of the time, you are fully giving 100% and receiving 100%!
3. Get comfortable with apologies.
Apologizing is one of the best ways to humble yourself, look at things from the other’s perspective, and heal from conflict. When you apologize, it shows that you are willing to set aside your own perspective, admit that you are wrong, and see things from the other person’s point of view. This is one of the greatest tools to help foster selflessness and strengthen the emotional bond in your marriage.
4. Start a habit of service.
Serving allows you to practice self-denial by putting others before yourself. This allows us to have an outward-focused mindset, rather than a mindset turned inward. When both partners do this, both will be happier in marriage. Additionally, each can gain the deep joy that comes from helping others– the joy of giving!
No matter what season your marriage is in right now, it can always benefit from a little more selflessness! Loving your spouse and putting them first is a key to a healthy marriage. Remember, letting your spouse serve you is also a selfless act. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is lower your guard and receive from your partner. Both giving and receiving are acts of love in a thriving marriage!